Murder is an art
by LaughingTragedy
Summary: "I can't help it if I'm evil, I'm just drawn that way." Warning: has gore, half-assed attempts at horror and black comedy, and OC's that are almost as weird as others you've seen.(Waiting to be rebooted)
1. Chapter 1: Get ready Bruce

**Me: Warning the following contains, morbid artwork, 4th wall breaking, and a interdimensional being with a grudge against humanity. **

* * *

Gordon has seen a lot of strange things happen to murder victims in this town, grown men dying of laughter, children literally scared to death, and the occasional corpse-in-a-box. But this was something else.

They got an anonymous tip that there were a couple of murder victims in Crime Alley. They were hoping for a simple mugging gone wrong, but what they got was a couple, blood replaced with ink, eyes clawed out, and laid and dressed in the same position as the Waynes. Right down to the pearls.

After the police got the crowd to leave, Bats decided to drop in. "Found anything yet?"

"We were able to find a calling card, it's for a mister B.W." He passed the note to Bats carefully, it was soaked from the rain.

_Dear Mr. B. W. or do you prefer Bats? _

_I hope you enjoyed my gift, a little tribute to the Wayne clan. It is the first of a number of projects I plan on _

_showcasing in Gotham within the next week or so. The next can be found where one goes to find help but only finds incompetent quacks._

_Love, Monsieur -there was a large black smudge where the signature should be-_

_P.S. don't worry about the victims, they deserve worse. _

"The note has a riddle and the perp knows who you are, think Nigma has something to do with this?"

Bruce shook his head, "Nigma is more interested in the attention and he'd make sure we knew it was him. Though there's something about how the bodies were disfigured that rings a bell."

* * *

Hugo Strange woke up to a bright light blinding him.

"Good morning, Doctor Strange." Strange tried to get up and see the source of the demonic voice but couldn't feel anything below his neck.

"I've been waiting a LONG time for this Strange. It feels like an eternity since we last met."

It took all of what little strength he had to speak,

"I don't recall, by guess you're one of my old experiments?"

Strange saw a silhouette of what he believed to be a man. But his eyes were glowing red.

"You really don't remember me? Then again how many times has my existence been retconned? 3 I believe. Hell, I remember when you were a pile of twigs."

The figure placed a clawed hand on Strange's mouth. Hugo let out a muffled scream when he saw the man pull out a scalpel.

"You shall be my masterpiece, Dr. Strange."

* * *

**Me: This story is just going to be something to help me practice my writing skills. Please give legitimate criticism and suggest anything that can make the story better.**


	2. Chapter 2: I'm an artist not a carpentar

**Me: This one is going to have something very morbid and I apologize to those in the audience who are good at visualizing things.**

* * *

Bruce was currently running the victims' blood to see if they're in the system. While the computer was loading, he looked over the note.

_Who are you? _His train of thought was interrupted when he got a call from Gordon saying a body was found. At Arkham.

The Batman left without seeing the results of the blood test.

* * *

Bruce met Gordon outside the maximum security wing and asked if it was the same guy.

Gordon opened the door, "See for yourself."

Wayne gasped when he saw the remains of Hugo Strange.

His skin was cut off his body, stitched back together, and was currently lying on the floor like a rug. Around him were numerous paintings presumably made with his blood. They illustrated the following events,

_Batman's dissected corpse_

_Wonder Woman being hung by her own lasso_

_Kent possibly in the negative zone_

_Some guy in a trench coat and cowboy hat_

_And the earth being destroyed_

Bruce was more focused on the human rug, ignoring the paintings and the heckling of the prisoners.

"Tell me we have security footage."

"All the tapes from last night have been stolen."

"Any notes or messages left behind?"

"He left a tape."

* * *

The two were currently in the security room.

_A man with a red eyes, black sclera, and a strange greyish skin tone with a few blood stains appeared on the screen. His large Cheshire smile revealed pointed teeth stained with blood and he began to talk in a manic tone, _

_"Hello Bats! Guess who I have here?" _

_The camera changed to show Dr. Strange. Bits of his flesh have been cut off already and they could see bone. Sadly Hugo's mouth was sewed shut. _

_The camera panned back to the maniac. _

_"I can't wait to see you again tomorrow night, I have a another masterpiece to unveil." _

_He let out a shrill laugh and the screen went to black._

"Any chance one of the rogues saw him?"

Before Bats could answer the two heard a blood curdling scream and the cameras for the maximum security wing were destroyed.

* * *

The two hurried back to the maximum security wing to find most of the guards bleeding but still alive and saw that most of the prisoners were gone. The weird thing was not a single of the cells were broken, every single one of them was intact.

While Gordon called for an ambulance, Bats looked for clues that can lead him to the Cesare wannabe. He found it in the form of another note. Despite the blood stains, this time Bruce could read the whole note.

_Hello, Bruce._

_How do you like the rug? I'm more of a artist than a carpenter but I did my best, expect another gift in your Batcave._

_With hate, Mr. Bartholomew Christopher Cadillac_

Bruce told the Commissioner he had to leave.

* * *

Bats was almost halfway to the Cave when Alfred called.

"What is it Alfred?"

The Brit answered in a somewhat worried tone.

"It's concerning your parents Master Wayne, t-they're in the cave."

Bruce floored it.

* * *

When Bats reached the cave he was dumbstruck by what he saw.

His parents half-decomposed corpses were currently sitting in by the Batcomputer chairs, with a note on his fathers face.

He took the note,

_Dear Bats_

_I just want to tell you something. I'm going to kill you. But before I do that I'm going to take away everything and everyone you love, I'm gonna burn Gotham to ground as if it were Sodom, and finally when you're sanity has finally been shattered and you're begging for death, I'll gladly oblige._

He looked up at the computer screen and saw the results of the blood test.

_Match found: Barbara Gordon and Dick Grayson_

* * *

_Meanwhile at some abandoned art studio _

The rogues were waking up from being knocked out cold. Riddler, Mad Hatter, Freeze, Ivy, Bane, and Scarecrow immediately started pointing fingers.

"So, who'd you get to spring us Eddie?"

"I thought it was the pedophile here?"

"Gentlemen, and madam."

The 6 turned towards the muddled accented voice. From the shadows came a tall gaunt man. His skin was horribly pale with a grey tint, his nails were claw-like and yellow, his black hair was shaggy and greasy, and his eyes had black sclera with red pupils. As for his dress it looked like a generic trench coat with a black and red color scheme.

Scarecrow was the first to ask this figure who he was. To his surprise the man gave him a hug. Before Crane had time to react, the man let go and gave him a smile.

"I know you don't remember me but I just wanna say it's good to see you again Johnny."

The man turned to the others, "Now, onto business. I want you all to help me kill the Batman."

The rogues started to laugh and Ivy went up to the man, "How about you let us go and we don't turn you into mulch?"

This time the man laughed, "Is that so? Inky?" And from the shadows a slimy tentacle grabbed her leg and pulled her towards the shadows. After a few screams she went silent. The nations heard a burb and from the shadows came the half chewed head of Pamela Isley. The man picked it up and examined it,

"Huh, guess she wasn't so poisonous. Now what y'all say?"

Before they agreed they asked for his name. He obliged, "Call me Cadillac, Mr. Cadillac."

* * *

**Me: Sorry for any Ivy fans she'll be back, in a way. And again please give some criticism, I'll even take insults or the weird ranting about random stuff I got in my last story.**


	3. Chapter 3: Gotham Must Die

**Me: Good point anon(the 2nd one), in fact this story will bring to light the rather hypocritical way heroes handle the law and their tech, Batman's limitations, the way he sees the world in black and white, etc. Also throw a few punches at Marvel for their humans being complete idiots on how to treat superhumans/mutants/whatever. But we'll get to that when we get to that. **

* * *

The Rogues of course weren't dumb enough to refuse after that display so they took the man on his offer. He clapped his hands and the lights came on, revealing the horror show that the Rogues were stuck in.

They saw a bloody skeleton being turned into a coat hanger, numerous paintings depicting the capes being dissected, and body parts being used as art supplies along with some strange black bile that was breathing.

The man picked up the Ivy head and went over to the slime, asking it to spit out the rest of her. To the others surprise, the other chopped up pieces of Pamela were spat out by the strange ink-like _thing. _The man put her together like some sick, twisted puzzle. After she was more or less one piece, he brought here to life.

The corpse immediately sat up and started gasping, looking around as if she just woke up from a nightmare. Mr. Cadillac chuckled, "I'll explain the extent of my abilities later gang but for now let me tell you what's our plan for the evening."

He turned towards a flyer he had for a charity art gala hosted by Bruce Wayne.

* * *

_Meanwhile in the Batcave_

As it turned out Barbara and Dick were still alive but the corpses were still somehow a genetic match.

"Could be a CADMUS employee who went off the deep end?"

Bruce dismissed this theory, "If they were clones they would've disintegrated by now, these are exact replicas."

"So we're dealing with someone who knows who we are, can make exact replicas of us, and possibly teleport. Think we should call in Su-"

Bruce cut her off with a quick no. "He seems to have a fixation with art, chances are he'll make an appearance at the Charity Art Gala tonight, hosted by yours truly. I want you two and the rest on guard duty."

"When you say res-"

"Even Jason."

* * *

_Later that night_

Bruce sighed as he got out of the limo with the latest Wayne Girl, some Russian ballerina, and put up the facade for the camera.

By the time he got into the 50's style museum, he ditched his date and starting looking for this Mr. Cadillac.

"Bruce, I'd like you to meet someone, he says he knows you." Bruce was about to tell the girl to bugger off but then he saw who it was.

The man didn't have the same grey skin, fangs, or claws but was the spitting image of the man from the video, he even had the same coat. Despite he looked relatively normal there was still something about him that was otherworldly.

The man gave Bruce a hug and whispered into his ear, "Wonderful to see you again, Batman."

Bruce acted as if he didn't just hear that and told the man he doesn't remember meeting him. "I suppose it's been awhile, and you've of course changed so much. My name is Jean Schreibler."

"I'm sorry, doesn't ring any bells."

"Of course, I'd expect a man in his 70's to have memory loss."

Before Bruce could react to the man's strange comment, he was pulled aside to mingle with the other socialites.

"Have a good time Bruce."

* * *

After a long night, Bruce finally escaped the fat cats. He was able to find this Jean staring at an ancient Greek statue.

"Glad you can join me."

Bruce dropped the act, "I know who you really are."

The man chuckled, "You have no idea. You don't know my abilities, our history, you don't even know my real name. But I know everything about you."

He checked his watch and smiled, "As much as I'd like to catch up Batsy, I have work to do." Bruce was about to respond when he heard the crowd scream, as soon as he turned back to Jean, he was gone.

He turned his focus to the crowd and saw Bane broke in by destroying the Modern Art section. Along with him came in the Hatter, Scarecrow, Freeze, and a horribly deformed Poison Ivy who looked less green and more grey. Next to them was Jean, holding some old book for some reason. He removed the watch from earlier and he went back to his ghoulish appearance.

"Have fun kiddies."

And so they did. They just started killing people, no point just carnage. Except for Bane who was going for Bruce.

Jean just stood by and waited for the real fun to begin.

Just before Bane could snap Bruce in half another time, the other Bat-clan members showed up and Jason was able to shoot out Bane's venom tubes in time. Bruce easily overcame the withered man and slipped away.

Meanwhile Nightwing was handling Scarecrow, Hatter was dealing with Spoiler, Freeze was dealing with Drake, and Poison Ivy was manhandling Jason.

* * *

_The Next Day_

The Clan was currently watching the news report of last night's rather surreal encounter. They went from fighting villains that appeared out of nowhere and after a few minutes they disappeared.

"Today is a sad day in Gotham, nearly a dozen prominent socialites were killed at the hands of several rogues led by this man. *shows a picture of Mr. Cadillac* It has been confirmed he is also behind the murder of Doctor Hugo Strange and the breakout at Arkham a few days ago. It's unk-"

The screen changed to show the ugly mug of Mr. C himself,

"Good morning Gotham! I just thought I should provide a little explanation for last night's events and what I plan on next. You see I came to this backwoods excuse for a di- I mean city to do one thing, kill every last thing in sight. I'm starting my quest by picking apart Gotham one by one, than Metropolis, than destroy the world. Almost forgot, today all I'll be doing is this."

He pulled out an old timey TNT plunger and gave the camera a big smile, "Consider this payback for the old days Batsy." After pressing it, the ground began to shake and heard a large explosion. Bruce looked outside and saw a large smoke cloud coming from where Wayne Tower should be.

* * *

_Later that day_

The Joker was looking at today's headlines.

_Newcomer turns city block into a pile of rubble, causes more destruction than Joker. _

At first he found it funny, than he found it insulting. He tossed it into the trash bin.

"How can some Hot Topic reject cause more chaos than me?! I'm the Joker for crying out loud!" He began to ponder what to do when he heard a knock at the door.

"I'll get it Mistah J!"

The bubbly blonde had her mallet ready and opened the door, but instead of pummeling whoever was at the door she said,

"What the hell are you supposed to be?"

"Cadillac, call me Mr. Cadillac."

* * *

**Me: Really sorry if this chapter is crappy, I'm more of an illustrator than a writer so I have trouble writing action scenes I'll make it up in later chapters.**

**Mr. C: As for my name and appearance we'll clear up in a later chapter also. As for my powers, well I can bend reality to my will with proper preparations and a few limitations. Not to mention I have access to technology that is similar to Batmite's, why I don't use it to just destroy the earth in one shot is because I make very dumb decisions during a psychotic breakdown (more on that later as well). **

**Me: See y'all next time and please give some criticism I need to know where I should improve. **


	4. Chapter 4: Kill me

**Me: This chapter will more or less give a proper explanation for Cadillac's motivation for wanting to destroy the Earth.**

* * *

"Oh." The girl then bashed his brains in. It was quite funny actually, a bit like Gallagher's routine but instead of some red pulp flying it was more of a inky black.

"Who was it dear?"

Harley went back inside and closed the door, "Don't worry 'bout it puddin, just-" She felt a clammy, clawed hand cover her mouth and a gun be placed on her temple. Bart let out a loud cackle,

"JACK! I need to talk to you!"

This finally got Mr. J's attention. He stayed calmed and told him to go ahead.

"Okay." The ghoulish man pointed the gun at Joker and pulled the trigger, only for a flag to come out.

"Bang. HeheheheheHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!" The man started clutching his sides, and pretty soon Joker started to join in the laughter. He then pulled out an actual gun and shot the man several times in the face. He tossed the gun aside and told Harley to clean it up.

When Quinn reached for what remained of the man's neck, she stepped back when she saw it start to regenerate. "Um... Mistah J?"

Joker ignored her as he got back to his work. The corpse got up as it's head was still healing and just as his eye was growing back, he turned towards Harley. She shrugged, took her mallet, and started smashing the corpse while chanting "DIE! DIE! DIE!"

"What was that Harley?"

"Nothing puddin jus-" She sighed when she saw the body was gone, "You're right behind me aren't you?"

The man let out a giggle as he gave Harley a swift blow to knock her out, picking up her mallet, and preceded to Joker's room. He knocked a few times and asked,

"Jack, can I have a few words with you?"

* * *

After shooting, decapitating, melting, and even dousing him in Joker Venom (vapor and injection), Joker realized this was pointless and just decided to let the man talk.

Joker was interested in just how the man learned his real name, "So, how does a schmuck like you know all these details about me?"

Cadillac just kept laughing, "You honestly don't remember me?" His smile faded when he saw J really didn't know who he was. He began grovelling at the man's feet and in between sobs tried to say,

"Come on, you HAVE to remember me! You're the only one left who could possibly remember anything before the crisis!"

Joker shrugged, "Sorry, now what did you come here for?"

Bart wiped his tears on his jacket and said, "I'm giving you a chance to do what no one else could, kill Batman."

Joker was at first shocked, then he started clutching his sides, "HAHAHAHAH! Why would I want to kill Batsy! If he's dead who will I play with, hell who'll keep the comic alive!?"

Bart smiled when he heard that last line, "So you know the joke?"

"What joke?"

"The joke that our lives are worthless, that our only reason to exist is to entertain in a constant cycle of violence and misery?"

"Oh THAT joke. But since you know the joke, you must know what happens if Batman dies."

The man started cackling again, "I'm counting on it. It's good to work with you once more Mr. Napier."

"You really think I'm going to let you do this?" Joker starting squirting him with acid. Surprisingly, he just kept laughing. Laughing, and laughing, and laughing until he was just a puddle of goo and a trench coat. "I'm crazy but I'm not stupid."

Before the creature could regenerate he took the remains and placed them in a jar. He then called Quinn, "Harley? How'd you like to take a trip to the docks?"

They left quickly, making sure the jar had a few more drops of acid in case, and drove off. Leaving the pile of clothes that still had a few very tiny drops of blood.

* * *

**Me: Apologies in advance for all Joker fans. **


	5. Chapter 5: Not exactly an Author Avatar

**Me: This will be more or less very disturbing for die hard Joker fans, but ironically fucking hilarious for me. Have fun kiddies!**

**Mr. C: May God have mercy on your souls.**

* * *

Surprisingly, the two managed to make it to the ducks without drawing attention. Joker gave the jar one last look,

"Alas, poor whoever you are, I knew thee barely."

He tossed it as hard as he could and dusted his gloved hands, "Shall we go back to the Hacienda Harley?"

"Sure Mista-" She froze.

"Harley?" He waved his hand in front of her eyes to no avail, "You feelin' alright kid?"

And out of nowhere she started bleeding around the neck. Joker checked her pulse and she was sure enough dead, yet somehow was still standing. When he tried to touch her face, he felt a sharp pain in his right hand.

"Jackie, Jackie, Jackie."

Joker tried to face him but found he couldn't move a muscle, at least not of his own free will. Bart had the book from last night in his hand and it was open to a page with illustrations of Harley and Joker. He placed another red dot on the picture Joker's side.

Jack started to feel a horrible pain in his right kidney. "Remember when we were talking about the joke? My kind is more or less responsible for the joke."

Bart tore the Joker illustration out of the book and the actual Joker started to levitate above the air. "It's a damn shame we couldn't work together again Jack, maybe in the reboot?" He crumpled the paper.

Joker's body began to twist and turn in unnatural ways, as if some giant hand came out and used him as puddy.

Bart toss the wad into the river, and with it Joker. He took a look at Harley's corpse,

"I may have some use for you."

* * *

Bruce couldn't believe what he was looking at. His city was in shambles, hundreds died while Gotham was under his protection, and he couldn't even figure out how the son of a bitch did it.

For some reason this felt, familiar. The charred black rubble, the still burning bright orange flames, and the visually striking blue sky. He felt like he's been here before. He was brought out of his daze when he saw a certain grey-skinned man staring at him. The man gave him a wave,

"Bats."

Bruce turned to see Gordon who told him they found more survivors, when Bats turned towards the man again he was gone.

Gordon also began telling Bruce the strange thing about the explosion,

"Our guys couldn't find any explosives among the rubble, or even traces of an explosion. It's almost like the buildings just decided to blow up."

Bruce growled, "We're dealing with a man who probably has infinite resources and power that could rival a resident of the 5th dimension I know."

"Speaking of which, maybe we shoul-"

Bats immediately told him no. "I don't need metas coming in and costing the city any more damages."

Not far away from the two, Mr. Cadillac was listening in and seemed very disappointed.

"Oh poor, poor Bruce. You used to be logical and intelligent." He disappeared in a quick flash.

* * *

_Later that night_

Bruce was currently researching whatever he could on Mr. Cadillac or the name Jean Schreibler. He banged his head on the keyboard when he saw nothing could come up for any of them.

"Who are you?"

Bruce immediately pulled out a batarang and turned towards the shadows.

"I know you're here."

And out of the shadows came Mr. C, who was smirking. "Busy day?" Bruce tossed the batarang at him, only to have him disappear. Bruce then felt the barrel of a gun press against his head.

"I can do it you know, but no I want you to suffer."

"Might I ask what's your beef with me?"

Bart moved the gun lower, "In another life, you left me to rot in the Phantom Zone."

"I probably had reasons, you are responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands of lives."

The man let out a psychotic laugh, "No, I was actually on your side. But in those days you'd incarcerate any powerful being accused of anything. Although I had destroyed trillions of lives before that, but I'm not evil! I'm just drawn that way!"

"Dra-" Cadillac then knocked Bruce out by bashing his head in.

* * *

**Me: And let's finish there.**

**Mr. C: Also I should probably explain the origins of my kind and what happened to (most) of the others. If you haven't figured it out, my kind's an allegory for authors and illustrators. Also something of a deconstruction of those stories where a normal (or horribly abused and mentally traumatized) child gets thrust into a world of *insert genre*. Anyway, being a species running on blue and orange morality this world was just itching for a reason to off us (not to mention they were a little pissed we didn't share with them are apocalyptic weapons of mass destruction). Add the fact this happened during the 90's when comics were trying to be "darker and edgier", my kind was basically fucked. Not to mention this kid's a sadist who enjoys writing characters with a trauma conga line backstory.**

**Me: Remind me to write in your backstory, "Has his mouth removed.**


	6. Chapter 6: 3rd time's the charm

**Me: Since it looks like my only audience member has abandoned me, I guess I'll have to finish this story quick.**

**Mr. C: Why is it when you using me in a Sadist's Show with those creatures we get more followers?**

**Me: Quiet you.**

* * *

Bruce woke up to find himself in what appeared to be purgatory.

"You're not dead if that's what you're thinking. I wouldn't let you off the hook that easily."

He turned to see Mr. Cadillac, who then punched Bruce as hard as he can. As Bruce was on his knees, Bart began to monolgue.

"I suppose you deserve to know why and how I'm doing this, well I'm what you call a traveler. Take a guess what world I visited first?"

"I kinda figured that out on my own, by guess we had a falling out?"

Bart pulled what looked like a comic book out of his coat, "If you want, you can read about it. You'll have plenty of time here. I'll be back in a millennium or two to see if you're still sane."

Bruce tried to stop him before he left, "Where are you going?"

Bart tossed Bruce aside, "I'm going to Metropolis."

* * *

**Mr. C: By guess you're gonna reboot this a 3rd time?**

**Me: Yep, maybe even add the new Traveler's Files title. Ciao audience, for now at least.**


End file.
